#4. Take your next best step. The advice we’ve given you so far has all been what we call “advance work.”
This is vital if you truly want to repair the damage of a relationship collapse. It is rarely a wise idea to rush to any action without taking some amount of time to get clear within yourself about where you stand, what your role is and what is beneficial for you.
When couples have the same argument or they break up and reunite over and over again, it’s often because neither of them has done the advance work. They are merely repeatedly reacting to one another and building up even more hostility and pain.
As you do the advance work we’ve recommended, you’re going to begin to know what is your next best step.
This might not be an action or decision that you are necessarily happy or comfortable with, but it will feel certain and right for you. Your next best step might be to offer your partner a heartfelt apology, to set a firm boundary, to propose an agreement or to seek help from a professional.
Whatever it is, take your next step and keep checking in with yourself as you take another and another. This is the way to rebuild trust and connection and to re-discover your love for one another.
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